My mouth is going to get me in trouble!

As the fog lifted from my chemo and I immersed myself in “real” life, I had many challenges.  During the recovery period I had tremendous difficulty with memory.  I was often challenged in the parenting arena when the kids would say they “told” me something and I didn’t trust my own memory to know if they did or didn’t.  Sequencing and processing, getting from point A to point B for anything from planning a trip to learning a new game, was also a major difficulty. Every couple months during the year after treatments I’d feel this fog lift and I am now somewhere between this fog- induced state and my normal over scheduled crazy forgetful state.  This is the term they have labeled….”the new normal”.  I despise this term, but it is probably the best way to describe life post chemotherapy.

So, where is my mouth getting me in trouble?  Every time I feel things slipping through my hands I fall into an “I can’t do it” routine.  I have had actual fear of being able to do things properly.  I am a lot more confident these days, but I still struggle with some of these changes and utter; I can’t, I can’t, I can’t.  My mom gently pointed this out one day and it was an awakening.  I can.  I just need to do it.  I know what needs to be done; I am capable.  I didn’t even realize what this negative self-talk was doing to me until it was pointed out.  If this is true than all those positive affirmations we can offer ourselves is also true.  I actually feel empowered to tackle these challenges.  No longer am I stuck in a place of can’t, but I am ready to tackle some of the challenges ahead of me that are needed for my inner peace and creating a healthy life.

Too vague?

I can’t fit exercise into my schedule I just can’t.  Yes I can.  This is one of the top ways to stay healthy and keep osteopenia at bay.  I will find ways to incorporate more.  I can take walking breaks at work.  I can join a hiking club.  I can, I can, I can!!  Diet restrictions are also a big topic in health.  Which direction do I go?  I’ve been reading so much, but yet I get confused and turn away from all of it and eat pizza with my family.  Too hard….I can’t!  YES I CAN.  I know how to eat clean.  I know what needs to be done.  I know I don’t have to sacrifice yummy food.  I just need to plan ahead.  Something I am capable of now.  I spent the last couple days prepping some special brownies (not that kind ;-)) and sugar free pumpkin pie for the holiday.  I just needed to commit and not be wishy washy.  I know that motivation and dedication can slip and I’m sure this journey will continue with it’s ups and downs, BUT thanks to my mom,  I have recognized my negative self-talk and am ready to turn it around.

Let’s support each other.  Let’s be gentle with our words so they can be constructive and not hurtful.  Let’s not be afraid to point out to someone where they might make a positive change.  If we do it with love and a helpful hand, we can’t go wrong.  Let’s work on self-love, positive self-talk, and of course self-care.  Don’t you feel the weight lifting already??  

We are never alone in our journey.  Surround yourself with love and positive energy and you CAN do anything.

With Love,

Tosha