The end of the cancer

Today marks the second  year anniversary of my Mastectomy.  I have many anniversaries, end of chemo, end of radiation, end of all treatments, etc.  This Mastectomy anniversary is really the big one though, because that is the day that I was considered cancer free.  The chemo and radiation were just insurance policies.  Thinking about that day and how I cried the night before, knowing that everything was about to change, brings me right back to that time and all the emotions I felt.  It marked the beginning of the journey, but also the end of the cancer.

It has taken two years to feel like I have my life back.  I am able to balance most of what a stay- at -home mom with two part-time jobs and a blog has to balance.  Well…..I get by and my family gets fed, we’ll leave it at that!  So this morning the journey is in my head and I can literally feel each of those stages.  The fear of the unknown, the strength of gearing up to face what lies ahead, the fear after chemo started that I wasn’t actually strong enough, the lightness of a good day, the relief when my radiation treatments got approved, and the elation to have come through it all and be standing on the other side.  As I travel back through all this, I realize that moving past a trauma or a difficult time and leaving it behind is not the answer.  Embracing it and honoring it as part of who we are is the answer.  Not turning our back on incredible sadness or pain in our lives, but, instead recalling all the lessons and harnessing all the strength we needed to pull through it.  That’s when we move forward.  This is not living in the past, but learning from the past and walking forward and facing the future head on because you know you can handle anything that lies in your path.  Remembering the trauma makes the blessings even sweeter.

May we always honor our struggles and be grateful for our blessings.

With love,

Tosha